Why she’s always laughing. As an American nursed her husband-a veteran
Wife of seriously wounded American veteran Jamie Harris — about how the misfortune that overtook the warrior, takes the entire family, where she draws strength to care for a sick spouse and on the theory of tribe that allows you to live in psychological comfort
They enter the room, looking around. Shilo Harris in turn gives my wife a bag, coat, scarf, Jamie carefully fold things on the chair. Just for a moment she departs from her husband is something to discuss with the organizers of the meeting, returned, with quiet horror exclaims: “You’re all dry! Now!” On the table there is a bottle with a moisturizing product. Drip drop Jamie a long-rehearsed movements does the solution on the hands of her husband, to save the skin from dehydration.
A third of the body of a war veteran in Iraq, Shilo Harris in deep burns. He lost both ears, tip of the nose and three fingers on his left hand. Endured 75 surgeries and 48 days spent in an induced coma, is now suffering from PTSD, which helps him to fight his wife. In Ukraine, the family of Americans came to be a role model for combatants and their families. To travel was another reason. In 2011, Harris co-authored with American educator Robin Overby Cox wrote the book “Steel will”. In 2017 it is first translated into a foreign language. Ukrainian.
Meet the author begins with a small pathetic movie about Shiloh, and then he comes in. Hall welcomes Harris standing.
The American tradition of public speaking implies that in the beginning supposed to be funny. Shiloh tells the story of how one day in the store trying on a cowboy hat. She was too tight, causing the ears-dentures anymore. The girl-seller the corner of my eye saw that something had fallen, began to apologize, picked up… “you should have Seen her face when she realized she picked up the ears! smiles American, and then recalls how in 2007 in Iraq blew up his company car. — Imagine, I look at my hand and the sleeve of my soldier’s jacket melted so that it just blended in with the skin. Dissolved and merged with the skin.” Until Shiloh says Jamie is drinking water.
That day killed three of the friends of the Harris, they were 19, 20 and 25 years. Matthew — soccer player, Edgar is a musician and Sean Michael — the magician. The veteran tells about each of them, Jamie cross.
Later, I ask her: did it helps if Shiloh again and again recalls the horror? “Helps,’ she says. — Allow their dead relatives to live in your stories. We are more mentally prepared for the loss of grandparents because they are old. The loss of young is experiencing a heavier and longer. But every time Shiloh tells his stories, this therapy is not only for him but for those who listen to him. It reminds him who he is, about bad and good days.”
Shiloh writes in his book about the same: “Almost any treatment involves a story of their own history, again and again until it stops hurting. And it’s not that you get stale. I think you come to a deep understanding of your own reality. The story can leave you exhausted and frustrated, but you have to do it. Have a wounded warrior and wounded the wife, children and relatives.”
In the book met and the following sentence: “the Wound and the divorce should occur from the same word. The wound will experience all that you thought was unconditional in the marital relationship.” Open the last section: “If I told you that my story will be about love, you probably would have thrown this book against the wall and looked for something else to read”. Further gratitude, Ketran first wife Shiloh. Now he’s got Jamie, which is always nearby.
Here Harris goes astray at some time of the lecture and turns to his wife for advice. She, as if knowing that it had to happen: “You chose the second definition.” After about twenty minutes, quiet again: “Jamie, I already talked about this?” “No, sweetie, not spoke.”
“So think I will inspire it! Then the moment comes: Oh God, I can’t! admits Jamie. — After I say it to myself, you know, need to take a break: “OK, Jamie, you gotta get out of here, you need to walk, to read refreshing.” It is a signal to change the situation. I don’t want someone mad at me and was offended. I surround myself with people who can cheer me up, I can call and sincerely say, “I beat him today!”
One of the main messages in this couples — theory tribe. Tribe — the people who surround you: family, relatives, friends, colleagues, acquaintances. If you psychologically feel bad, worry, you are not satisfied with your life around the wrong tribe. Try to surround yourself only with people who inspire and support.
To the public, Shilo is now, “Dad asks, “Why is she always laughing?”. Say, “Well, that’s it from me!”
I’ve been watching Jamie for a few hours and I understand that the question of the father, Shiloh was reasonable. Well, as it turns out to generate so much energy?!
“When I realize I’m so frustrated that I start to be a dictator — “Do it!” “Do you?!” I say to myself: “Stop. You need to take a break for yourself.” It’s time to relax, lay down everything, even if it’s the middle of the day, she explains. — Of course, at home it’s hard to find a place for this: family, phone — our office is right in the house. To be alone (and sometimes I fucking need it!), going to the bathroom. You know, 98% of the time I dedicate to others, if 2% to allocate for yourself, it’s okay, it’s not selfishness.
There are still many things that I do, to feel normal: yoga, meditation. If you can’t sleep, I read mostly self-help books, motivational. They allow me to learn all about the body, heart, spirit and mind.”
While Shiloh is busy autograph session, Jamie and I are talking about the books she reads. My companion highly recommends “the Overseer of destiny” (The Noticer) Andy Andrews. This story is about a man who visited different people — from the homeless to College students — who have had problems in the relationship with society, he helped them to change their mental setup and the Outlook for the future.
For the autograph suitable veteran of the ATO. Instead of legs and right hand he has a prosthetic left hand holds a crutch.
— And sometimes you send your hand to the store for beer? jokes Shiloh, friendly shaking prosthesis.
— Yes, I can and legs asked that went, — smiling man.
When Shiloh signs latest book, Jamie’s jacket is torn at the almost empty hall. Says: “my Dear, you have ten minutes!” and aside: “Oh, no, ten minutes he won’t do the job”.
“You know, many women say: “Sometimes think it would be better if he died. Then I wouldn’t have to live like this, I would have broken his loss, but continued to live” — says Jamie. — But you have to understand that men come home from war different people. And it is a challenge for the relationship of the couple. The woman should take the “new” husband, take care of it and build a new future for yourself you never wanted. When the husband dies, if you die with him, but once. Then allow yourself to move on. And when he survives, but his condition is improving, getting worse, you “die” with him again and again.”
Jamie she begins to talk about his first wife Shiloh. Their marriage did not last long, because Ketran it seemed to be a lot easier just to give her husband to leave, then she wouldn’t have to find the strength to deal with the unexpected trouble. “But everyone’s different. Someone happens, and someone is glad that people actually came back from the war. They are happy because they believe that they will be able to cope with everything and bring back your favorite for life says Jamie, something stirring in a glass of water. Brings a glass of Shiloh: “it’s Time to drink the medicine, drink it baby! Drink it all!”
Due to traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic syndrome Shiloh sometimes thinks like a child, some things do, like a little boy says the same thing. In such moments he can’t control himself, he doesn’t know how to overcome the emotions that are boiling in my head.
“Sometimes it even lasts for two or three days and sometimes two or three minutes. Then I reminded him: “Hey, look what happened…”, and he apologizes, says: “to myself I thought I was doing everything right”. That’s what annoys me most, explains Jamie. But he does and a lot of the most wonderful and sincere things: makes cute gestures, just take my hand, I sympathize with, sympathy, pity, tells some amazing stories, inspires someone who is also fighting for his life, as he is.”
The last guests leave the room. Jamie hugs Shiloh and rests her head on his shoulder. He kisses his wife in the head.
